As many new parents will attest, the transition from couplehood to parenthood is often the hardest. You will have less time for yourself and your spouse, and you will be spending quite a fair bit of your waking hours taking care of your little one. Your lifestyle will change to accommodate a new member of the family and sleep will become a precious commodity.

Sounds tough? It sure is. But as many young parents have shown, with some savvy planning, you can effectively balance your need for personal time with the need to care for your child.

Joe, 33 and Alicia, 31, have been married for three years and are proud parents of an 18-month old boy. The couple is working full-time, so their son, Ryan, is taken care of by Joe’s parents during weekdays; an arrangement which the couple is very grateful for and which has allowed them to concentrate on their work during the day.

Comparing life before and after having children, Joe and Alicia admitted they’ve had to adjust their lifestyle to care for Ryan.

“During the weekdays, we practically never go out. After picking up Ryan from our parents’ place, we are so busy feeding him and preparing him for bed that we are super exhausted after he's asleep. We now sleep at 11 plus at night compared to before, when we went to bed whenever we felt like turning in. Personal time is only when he's asleep. So we either sacrifice sleep for personal time, or try to catch up on deprived sleep,” shared Joe.

Weekends are equally packed for the couple. “When he's awake, he takes up all your attention. The weekend is the busiest time of the week: ferrying him between grandparents, and mall-trawling. I don't remember what a weekend break means anymore,” added Alicia with a laugh.

Spending time with Ryan outdoors 

For Alicia, the thought of going back to work after her maternity felt daunting initially. On top of her maternity leave, she also utilised her annual leave to stay home to care for Ryan.

“I was away from work for four and a half months. I initially thought being apart from Ryan would be hard, but it turned out to be a very good break after being cooped up at home. I could resume a daily social relationship with my colleagues and get back the old ‘pre-parent’ life, as least while at work,” said Alicia.

To help share the parenting workload and better manage their time, the couple has adopted a “tag team” approach to parenting.

“My wife takes care of the baby in general while I take care of the household chores,” explained Joe. “We also take turns watching the baby while the other eats, sleeps or runs errands.”

The couple has also learnt to work more efficiently to devote more time to their child.

“We make a more conscientious effort to leave work on time or as early as possible, and we try to manage time and tasks better at work so we don't bring work back home or do overtime. The priority for us now is to spend as much time as possible with Ryan,” said Alicia.

While some dads prefer to leave it to their wives to feed the child or change the diapers, increasingly, more dads like Joe are getting involved with caring for their little ones.

“I think I am more hands-on than most of my guy friends in parenting,” shared Joe. “I used to do the nappy changing at nights when Ryan was younger. Now I bathe him in the mornings. It’s good bonding time for us.” 

Ryan’s first birthday!

Being first-time parents, Joe and Alicia are naturally anxious about Ryan. The couple admitted they have had their fair share of tiffs and squabbles over caring and raising their son, but they also make it a point to discuss their thoughts and feelings openly to avoid further misunderstandings.

“We have long discussions and talk it out. I understand women can get emotional over childrearing so I sometimes give in to her and provide support when she needs it,” added Joe with a smile.

Even though juggling work and parenting now takes up the bulk of Alicia and Joe’s time, the couple has found parenthood to be a rewarding and fulfilling experience.

“It’s satisfying to see Ryan grow up, from being totally dependent and helpless, to learning social skills, develop motor skills and become an individual. Every day brings a fresh challenge, and every single new thing, word or skill he picks up gives us immense joy,” concluded Alicia.

To first-time parents who are concerned about not having enough time for their work and newborn, Joe and Alicia have these tried-and-tested tips to share based on their personal experience:

Tip 1: Manage time efficiently. Don't procrastinate over errands/chores.
Tip 2: Acknowledge that sleep deprivation is part and parcel of life.
Tip 3: Seek and appreciate supportive grandparents/caregivers