By Tan Yi Lin

Have you ever hung out with your friends’ or relatives’ children and been absolutely uncomfortable with or traumatized by their offspring?

Do you find it difficult to understand, communicate and bond with young kids?

Does being around children make you wonder how you are ever going to manage children of your own when you become a parent?

To some people, engaging and playing with children may not be second nature. While some adults are happy to coo at and carry every baby in sight, or even pull funny faces and chase children around the house, others may hang back uncomfortably and be unsure of how to act around children.

If you are not the sort who can wholeheartedly declare that you LOVE children of all ages, let us assure you that such apprehension does not mean that you won’t be able to love and understand children of your own. Learning how to be comfortable around kids and to have fun with them is a skill that can be cultivated. You may not believe it, but the parental instinct may just appear spontaneously when the time comes.

1. Observing and engaging children

You can learn a lot about children just by observing them. Observe and learn how parents and others interact with children. Be open to children approaching you. Some kids may want you to read a story to them and will obediently sit by your side while you do it. Others may ask for help with a toy or puzzle, while older ones may come to you with questions. Do remember to relax and have fun. Young children may have a short attention span, so don’t get upset or feel pressured to finish a story, puzzle or game if they lose interest halfway. Just sit back and let them approach you with the next activity that catches their interest. Don’t feel as though you need to entertain them and find fun things for them to do all the time. Unlike adults, kids don’t readily judge others and won’t label you as “boring” or “uncool” if you don’t go all out to engage their interest.

2. Manage the type and amount of interaction

You might also wish to think about the type of interaction settings that you prefer. If you are comfortable with engaging in a specific activity with one or two kids, ask a friend whether you can be present when he or she conducts some indoor activities with his or her kids, such as art and craft or baking. If you are only comfortable with having a few moments with a larger group of kids, a class gathering or festive get-together setting may be more suitable for you. For those who find that the great outdoors give you more breathing space when kids are around, you can join a friend on a family outing at the park or the beach. Keep the visit short, say fifteen to twenty minutes at a time, until you feel confident enough to relax and be around children for a longer period of time.

3. Immerse yourself when you’re ready

Once you are ready, you can start mixing around more often with friends who have babies and young children. Offer to babysit them for short periods of time. You might start off feeling awkward at being left alone with a kid but stepping outside of your comfort zone, and continuously trying, experimenting and learning, are all part and parcel of the journey to parenthood.

It may also be a good idea to agree on the level of discipline that you are allowed to levy on other people’s children. Speaking in a stern tone would probably suffice in most cases. If that doesn’t work, just tell mum or dad that the child is being difficult. Crying babies are best pacified by passing them back to their parents!

4. Be a kid again

Step into kids’ shoes and try to see the world through their eyes. For older kids, treat them like your friends and ask them about their favourite activities and foods, their favourite subjects in school, their friends and so on. You can also start a conversation about the toy they have in hand or the cartoon character on their t-shirt. Offer kids fun stuff that you may be carrying in your bag, such as a squishy stress ball, or play simple games with them like asking them to guess which of your hands is hiding a coin. Be resourceful. For example, a simple handheld battery-operated torch can provide hours of shadow-play fun and scrap paper can be made into simple origami shapes like boats and planes.

Interacting with babies and toddlers may require making exaggerated facial expressions or singing songs with hand actions in order to elicit a reaction from them. You may feel silly and self-conscious at the start, especially in the presence of other adults, but don’t be afraid to indulge in some child-like behaviour once in a while. Being rewarded with a child’s delighted smile and enthusiasm makes it all worth it!

5. Give yourself time

Don’t feel bad about not being “a kid person” if you feel awkward around children now. Be open to opportunities to spend time around children. Try out different activities with kids. Having fun and bonding with a kid is a skill that can be learnt, and many do say that the ease and comfort with children will come naturally once you have a kid of your own.

Go on. Try it. You’ll find that handling babies and children is not as scary as you think!